General Lee Edwards, Indy 1974. Love the hauler!

The 1980s and '90s were still good to the Pro Stockers, but the bloom was beginning to fade. I think the first time I verbally cast the 'snark-ism' that I commonly use for the current state of the class was in 2001, when I made my return to the Big Go at Indy -- coincidentally that was the first year of the Hemi Shootout. After the mind blowing eyeful of that Manna from Heaven, I spotted Pro Stock coming up to the lanes and called out, "Oh good, here comes AA/Gas Funny Car!" And I mean, REALLY, isn't that what it's become? The cars are running faster than floppers did in 1971, they have nothing to do with Detroit, and, it's important to mention, Detroit has NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM, financially or spiritually.

The shapes? Are you KIDDING me? I remember being at the 1989 NorthStar Nationals at Brainerd, when a well-known P/S racer from Wisconsin was attempting to get his Dodge through tech and they were putting him into the 'chamber of horrors.’ I smiled, shook my head and thought, this stands about as much a chance as a popsicle in a microwave.

If tech is even BOTHERING to do this anymore, it's with all the rigid determination of the Tacoma Narrows bridge, because much like nitro Funny Cars, "AA/Gas Funny Cars" are just bizzaro door stops. At the July Big Show event in Joliet, it was genuinely sad to see the stands emptying out after the Funny Cars ran. The fans simply do not care about this class AT ALL. And this in the year of an overhaul that was supposed to make the cars more engaging to the public to boot! ("Yeah, we'll pit them differently, THAT'LL make the fans like the class! Then, we'll drill another hole in the boat, to let the water OUT....")

So, what’s next? Well, sorry to say, but much like poor Travis Coates in OLD YELLER, I really see no choice other than to take the class out behind the corn crib and shoot it. Drag racing is entertainment, and a show that people don't want to see is a liability to the sport overall. NHRA had no problem ending AA/Gas dragster in 1971, and even less concern for the (by all accounts) wildly popular Modified Eliminator in 1981. You can't be the manager of Spinal Tap, and rationalize away the fact that the band, who once played 15,000 seat venues, now plays to crowds of 2,000 because the fans are "more selective". The tin-foil Mad-Hatters will say, "it'll be a bigger mess than Pro Stock Trucks!", and I hate to say it, but they may be right on that one. It could very well be that the sanctioning body fears another lengthy, and expensive court battle. Surely, it couldn't be that they will never admit that they are wrong about something. (I'm never wrong, and don't call me Shirley.)

Pro Mod, your table is ready. I hope that your 31 cars for a 16-car field won't be a burden because, brother, I've never seen the fans bail when those cars roll out.

I'm outta here, thanks for hanging out. C-YAAA!!