by Aaron Polburn

Story Time

The response to my first two columns has been overwhelming. All five readers agreed that I nailed it.  OK, there were a few more but what made it unusual was that nearly every suggestion was based on two subjects. That would be story telling and dogs. For those of you who are just discovering the mental train wreck called The Last Word, I warned you that this would not exactly win me a Pulitzer for hard core drag racing journalism. When I wrote for IHRA my most popular columns were interspersed with dog observations. This DRO masterpiece will continue that tradition.

The second suggestion was to tell stories of the past since my past included 50 years of observations.  Let’s start with a story of a high powered sponsor meeting,

IT WAS A HOOT

Well over a decade ago Bill Bader and I had the opportunity to visit the Hooters corporate headquarters in Atlanta. Bill was the IHRA Prez and I was the VP. The short story was that we got a lot done about the future marketing of IHRA using all the tools that Hooters had available. It was exciting stuff. But the real entertaining story came at dinner that night.

When the President and Vice President of IHRA went to dinner with the CEO, President and VP of Marketing of Hooters, where do you think this power meal took place? Hooters of course. We tried all the new wings. We sampled all sorts of appetizer combos. And we had a ball.

After several gallons of beer and wings, we noticed that one of the Hooters girls was making more then normal eye contact and smiling at Bill Bader. Bill being the gregarious guy he was made eye contact and smiled right back. This little scenario kept going back and forth until the lovely young lady approached Bill. Bill was beaming until the girl said, “I just had to meet you. You look just like my Grandfather,” My stomach still hurts from laughing.

I also had my moment. The first thing you have to understand is that one of our dinner partners was Bob Brooks. Bob was the CEO of Hooters and had just been featured in Forbes Magazine as one of the most savvy entrepreneurs God ever put on earth. But I digress.

A Hooters girl approached me and told me how honored she was to have me at her restaurant. She told me her life story then asked to have her picture taken with me. Although my ego didn’t want to ask why I was being fussed over, I got my answer very quickly. Right after the photo op she gave me a little hug and said, “It was wonderful meeting you Mr. Brooks.” I joined Bill and we both drank heavily.

PRESIDENTIAL POWER

It was my first year as President of IHRA and I was hours away from the first IHRA banquet under my watch. I was trying to work off some nervous energy so I wandered down to the Marriott lobby. I was wearing black pants and a white shirt. I was standing near the front desk when an elderly man came by and put $2.00 in my hand and directed me to his bags. Without missing a beat I got a bag cart, loaded it up, and took him to his room. I kind of fibbed when I told him I would be back for turn down service. The banquet was a huge success. I made $2.00 and promised myself I needed to work on my Presidential look

DEAR GOD… FROM A DOG

Dear God: Let me make you a list of some things I must remember to be a good dog.

I will not eat the cat’s food before they eat it or throw it up.

I will not munch on leftovers from the litter box.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not play tug of war with Dad’s underwear while he sits on the toilet.

Sticking my nose in someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying hello.

And God… one last question? When I get to heaven could I please have my testicles back?

GODSPEED… RACE SAFE